Now, here's a version for CAS, the tale-spinner:

"Imagine that William Beckford memorized Johnson's Dictionary, and spent lots of spare time at William Herschel's, looking through his telescope".

Again, have fun with this, if you like.

Here's another:

"Imagine Theophile Gauthier on psilocybin and steroids".

Last one, just for fun, since no one seems interested in these:

"Imagine that the spirit of Jonathan Swift was channeled against his will by Lord Dunsany".



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 1 Sep 11 | 04:15PM by Absquatch.

IMAGINE... in Faustine's gilded pleasure-barge gliding down the Amazon in the palæolithic with Krafft-Ebbing at the tiller... an absinthe-sipping Dowson amanuensing an opium-smoking Huysmans paraphrasing a cocaïna-injecting Firbank translating a palimpsestic Syriac edition of the gnostic Gospel of Elagabalus studded in smaragds from Akhenaten's tomb and bound in the breast-skin of La Morte Amoureuse... while Antinoüs anilingues Firbank, Faustine fellates Huysmans, and Delilah dillies Dowson with a strap-on succedaneum of rune-inscribed mastodon-ivory lubricated with the hallucinogenic oil of an anthropophagous orchid from the revenant-haunted jungle of an unknown amethyst moon of Saturn... to the musical accompaniment of a zombie Crowley playing, on a silver-sheathed flute fashioned from the left femur of Cleopatra, Corelli's transcription of Throbbing Gristle's cover of a lost collaboration between Wagner, Dzagdashvili, and Wi(3)-Leu(1)...

Not that this was a contest (though that might have been amusing, too), but ladies and gentlemen, I think we have a winner....

My only question is: Do we bow down or bend over?

Though manifestly well-wordsmythed--the above would be completely incomprehensible to the average reader (I only half understand it myself), and therefore has no use as a tool for trying to explain to someone what CAS is like--which is supposed, in thoery, to be the purpose. However--not a bad parody...even if it is overtly sexual....

Agreed, pithier is better, but treycelement's contribution is so over the top that it merits its own separate recognition.

Absquatch Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Not that this was a contest (though that might
> have been amusing, too), but ladies and gentlemen,
> I think we have a winner....

What WOULD be a good CAS-ean prize? A tour of Averoigne on the back of the Colossus of Ylourgne? A night with Athlé?

K_A_Opperman Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Though manifestly well-wordsmythed--the above
> would be completely incomprehensible to the
> average reader (I only half understand it myself),
> and therefore has no use as a tool for trying to
> explain to someone what CAS is like--which is
> supposed, in thoery, to be the purpose.
> However--not a bad parody...even if it is overtly
> sexual....

Yeah, I think the sex did spoil it a tad, but the 'succedaneum' riff still reads ok.

BTW -- don't anyone let hermself be dillied like that. Serious health issues may ensue. And you WILL spill your absinthe.

Gill Avila Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> My only question is: Do we bow down or bend over?

Antinoüs says bend over...

CAS says...

Absquatch Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Agreed, pithier is better, but treycelement's
> contribution is so over the top that it merits its
> own separate recognition.

Originally, I tried to include ALL the (main) senses... But I decided it went 222 far. Here's a restored, re-tweaked version, sans sex (nearly):

IMAGINE... in Faustine's gilded pleasure-barge gliding down the Amazon in the palæolithic with Krafft-Ebbing at the tiller... an absinthe-sipping Dowson amanuensing an opium-smoking Huysmans paraphrasing a cocaïna-injecting Firbank translating a palimpsetic Syriac ms. of the gnostic Gospel of Elagabalus bound in the breast-skin of La Morte Amoureuse and studded with smaragds from Akhenaten's tomb... to the musical accompaniment of a zombie Crowley playing, on a silver-sheathed flute fashioned from the left femur of Cleopatra, Corelli's transcription of Throbbing Gristle's cover of a lost collaboration between Wagner, Dzagdashvili, and Wi(3)-Leu(1)... as the essential oils of mandrake, blood-lily, and aconitum fume from a nyctaloptic nigromancer's anaglyptographic alembic... under a ceiling painted in lapis lazuli, molten ruby, and dryad's-coynte-juice by Michelangelo, Delville, and the resurrected maîtres of Lascaux.....

Quote:

What WOULD be a good CAS-ean prize?

A date with Morthylla?

Sir treycelement, on behalf of the Board of Censors, there is one grievous offence in your new version which I cannot overlook...one thing which, I think, may seriously offend some people--this "pleasure barge" business! Just what sort of unwholesome activities go on in that barge? These implications are a danger to the public.

However, the Board is pleased to report that it sees no other offensive content. There were some words whose definitions we were unable to discover--but we have faith in your morality, sir, and will trust that there is no more overtly sexual contet buried within your recondite vocabulary--especially toward the end, where art--generally a wholesome practice--dominates the coyntent--excuse me--content.

CASian prizes:

A free 'postpone being sacrificed to the Voorqual for one day' card; a vacation to the Isle of the Tortures, complete with the full torture package; an amphora full of aconite-laced Hyperborian hydromel; a date with the enchantress of Sylaire--in a room made of mirrors; a geas-reflecting helmet--constructed from a certain turban-like thing from Yoh Vombis; a free one week necromancy course with Nathaire, Avyctes, or Malygris--your choice, or course....

Or, do you want to go for the BIG prize? It's hidden in the maze of Maal Dweb, surrounded by certain flowers....

K_A_Opperman Wrote:

> However, the Board is pleased to report that it
> sees no other offensive content. There were some
> words whose definitions we were unable to
> discover--but we have faith in your morality, sir,
> and will trust that there is no more overtly
> sexual contet buried within your recondite
> vocabulary--especially toward the end, where
> art--generally a wholesome practice--dominates the
> coyntent--excuse me--content.

Well... I felt discoyntent with the coyntent and tweaked summore...

IMAGINE... on the Empress Faustine's gilded pleasure-barge gliding down the Amazon in the palæolithic with Krafft-Ebbing at the tiller... an absinthe-sipping Dowson amanuensing an opium-smoking Huysmans paraphrasing a cocaïna-injecting Firbank translating a palimpsestic Syriac ms. of the gnostic Gospel of Elagabalus bound in the breast-skin of La Morte Amoureuse and studded with smaragds from Akhenaten's tomb... under a canopy painted in lapis lazuli, molten ruby, and polychromatic dryad-tears by Michelangelo, Delville, and the resurrected maîtres of Lascaux... as the essential oils of mandrake, blood-lily, and aconitum fume from a nyctaloptic nigromancer's anaglyptographic alembic of meteoric manganese... to the musical accompaniment of a zombie Crowley playing, on a silver-sheathed flute fashioned from the left femur of Cleopatra, Corelli's transcription of Throbbing Gristle's cover of a lost collaboration between Wagner, Dzagdashvili, and Wi(3)-Leu(1)...

I wondered whether "Martian canal" wd be better'n "the Amazon," coz that gets in a cosmic, extra-terrestrial reference... but nah. Amazonia's rich, complex and febrile. More CAS-ean, IOW.