Re: Sacrilege? Lunacy? Translate CAS poetry > German?
Posted by:
calonlan (IP Logged)
Date: 3 April, 2013 05:50PM
lmalinofsky Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Okay, I love both English and German poetry, and
> sometimes I just want to hear a familiar poem in
> different words; and as those words betimes have
> varying shadings, I fancy I gain perspective on
> the work. If only these words would have fit for
> Smith, would he have had his poem convey a
> slightly different meaning, perhaps broader or
> perhaps merely related? And still have liked and
> published what he could say within the strictures
> of another tongue?
>
> I took the last verse of Nyctalops and tried to
> give it similar cadences in German.
>
> We have seen fair colors
> That dwell not in the light
> Intenser gold and iris
> Occult and recondite
> We have seen the black suns
> Pouring forth the night.
>
> In German with the cadences conformed, this
> becomes
>
> Wir sahen zarte Farben,
> Die wohnen nicht im Licht
> Staerker gold und iris
> Tief im Dunkellicht
> Wir sahen die schwarze Sonne
> Gieß her Nacht und Nicht
>
> But now look at the meaning our German friend will
> read:
>
> We saw delicate colors,
> Who do not live in the light
> Stronger gold and iris
> Deep in the dark light
> We saw the black sun
> Pouring forth night and Not
>
> Something has to rhyme with Licht (light) and the
> only allied characteristic of Night is Not
> (Nicht--the Not, the nullification). It seems
> Smith might not have minded the poem's giving an
> overtone of nullification along with night... we
> can't know, of course. Given the need for such
> re-forging of the thought behind the verse, the
> need for changing the wonderful "occult and
> recondite" into "deep in the dark light"?, would
> Smith have said, OK, my poem can say this and I
> still like it if it's the only thing I can write
> that still fits the meter and rhyme?
>
> 1) It is still Smith's poem?
> 2) Is it worth doing or appropriate to do do give
> a German speaker a hint of CAS?
>
> Would sure like some opinions...
>
> Thanks
>
> Leon W. Malinofsky
Perhaps this might work:
Wir haben die Farben gesehen,
Das nicht in den Licht erwohnen,
Starker Gold und Iris
finden Wir im Dunkel Artz,
Und Schwarze Sonnen
Vom Nacht voll ausscheinen.
possibilities?