As the mists of time swirl and inspissate athwart futurity, a worm-eaten appendix to a Tocharian B palimpsest of The Book of Eibon affords glimpses of What Is To Come. What DOES 2012 hold in store.....?
CAS-mania sweeps the world on release of James Cameron's 3D, Sensurround, OdorAktiv schlockbuster of
"The Seven Geases", with Nicholas Cage as Ralibar Vooz, Scarlett Johansson as Mount Voormithadreth, Richard Gere as Ezdagor, Robin Williams as Raphtontis, Sir Ian McKellen as Tsathoggua, Morgan Freeman as the reptile-scientists, and Lady Gaga as Atlach-Nacha, with soundtrack by Taylor Swift and Cannibal Corpse.
Absquatch comes within touching distance of all five Nobel prizes when, re-engaged in intensive study of post-classical logic, he traps the Hoggs Gnoson in a jar. This, the so-called "God Knows" particle, creates a powerful, pantological psionic field when it decays into sideways upsilon and omega croutons on Schrödinger's birthday (in years divisible by 23). However, true to his Nietzschean principles, Absquatch repudiates omniscience and lets the gnoson go at the bottom of the garden.
Scandal rocks the close-knit Obama administration as details are leaked of a secret policy of "reverse rendition," whereby prisoners of some of the world's worst abusers of human rights, including North Korea, Luxembourg, and New Zealand, were flown to Florida for "enhanced interrogation" by the CIA, Mossad, and MI5. Photos and videos reveal that rendees died in abject terror and agony or were left as drooling, decerebrated husks, fit only for life-long institutionalization and/or right-wing populism. It is discovered that they have been forced to listen to recordings of Hillary Clinton reading extracts from Gavin's essays on Lovecraft.
In attempted expiation of his white male privilege, Radovarl sets up an organic yoghurt factory in Equatorial Guinea. However, key piping elements are clogged by the legacy of apartheid and the factory explodes, showering passing members of the close-knit Afro-African community in lactobacteria. In a moving video uploaded to Youtube, Radovarl issues a tearful apology not only for the exploding factory, but also for apartheid, the slave trade, the Holocaust, the Armenian genocide, the Mongol Invasions, Big Pharma, the Tunguska event, the extinction of the dinosaurs, Neanderthals, passenger pigeon, and South Island kokako, Global Warming, the Ice Ages, and every book written by Stephen King in the past twenty years.
Onanism shakes the close-knit Weird fiction community following discovery and publication of erotic correspondence between HPL and Ernest Hemingway, which reveal not only that HPL and EH pioneered several highly esoteric gay sex-techniques (e.g.
t-bar pruning and
gand-flexure) but also that HPL ghosted portions of at least three of Hemingway's major works.
Terror-stricken refugees flood across the borders into Canada and Mexico when Gavin announces that he will be drawing on Foucault, Derrida, and Lacan for an essay on procto-phallic imagery in
The Case of Charles Dexter Ward and
The Sun Also Rises. Fortunately, however, when he begins work on the essay, Mayan prophecies are fulfilled and the world ends.
“The true independent is he who dwells detached and remote from the little herds as well as from the big herd. Affiliating with no group or cabal of mice or monkeys, he is of course universally suspect.†—
The Black Book of Gore Vidal.